blogs FOR blabs

i knew i wanted this year to be special. because from here on, the next bday that counts it’s the big 3-0 (!!)

anyways, i got a lot of things i really wanted. but there was this 1 thing i asked for that for a minute, i regretted.

when i got it, i wasn’t surprised of course, it was something for my charm bracelet. a reminder of people close n dear to me. so i thot, yeah, very appropriate to get an addition to that.

then i got back to canberra, n thot again. if there’s anything tat’s most associated wit this year, it’s definately this 1 thing. this thing i almost didn’t want. so i decided, it deserves more. more than a bracelet i take off when i go to bed, when i take my bath. it deserves a spot near to my heart. literally, figuratively, both if not more.

so here it is now. rite next to its partner. reminding me always of the 2 women who’ll always be above everyone else. thanx a lot sis. i LOVE it. n i’m sure as hell not ‘faking it’

you know that that time of the month has come yet again, when you get choked up by little things. i am certainly too lucky for my own good. i heard somewhere someone saying that god is merely a big bully playing with lives to entertain himself. logically, there’s truth in it, isn’t there? that He has ascertained our very own fate for us and punishes us for it (those of us who are un’lucky’, no doubt) but then what is fate, what is luck but a ‘blessing’ from Him. things a mere mortal such as myself have no right thinking about, i realise that. but why give me such beautiful people in my life and not give me the time to appreciate them. why give me all thse blessings but not the chance to enjoy it. because if he didn’t i’d be cursing and asking him why not. such is the nature of man. as decided by Him.

you know that that time of the month has come, when u start questioning what must not be questioned. i’m lucky. my fate has served me well. thank You. just please give me more time. please?

i have always been crap with confrontations. i hate them. i am terrified of them. i overthink them, even when there’s nothing to think about. i’m a runner. tat’s what i am. i run away. from everything. from responsibilities. from confrontations. from problems. then they start squeezing my heart. it’s stupid, i knoe. i can’t run forever. but i run all the same. i run till everything catches up all at once. i get swept under. i get breathless. i feel like running even more. i know all tis. i’ve been doing it for 20 years. but i run all the same. till everything catches up all at once. till i get swept under. till i get breathless. procrastinate. such a fancy word for such a crappy meaning. but tat’s who i am. a fancy facade for a crappy inside.

I am very very nice buds…..

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Farhanah
Birth Date:  March11, 87
Current Status: not single n loving it
Eye Colour: i heard no one has black eyes so i guess mine are brown tho they certainly look black to me.
Hair Colour: black with slightly bleached parts as a result of my swimming days (sun n pool chlorine, tat’s the only way to go muahahah)
Righty or Lefty: right (i’ve always wished i’m a lefty so tat i can eat while i write huhu i guess it’s for the best)

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
My Heritage: my dad’s javanese n sumone’s chinese (hence my sepet eyes) but my ic says i’m malay so malay it is.
My Fears: being old n alone                                                        My Perfect Pizza: hawaian i think

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
My Thoughts First Waking Up: "oh god it’s 10, i hope mama x send kaknem to the hospital for me yet"
My Bedtime: hehe
My Most Missed Memory: happy days~

LAYER 4: MY PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: coke, i TRY to stay away from them tho
McDonald’s or Burger King: McD. do u realise how McD’s coke somehow just tastes better for some mysterious reason???  Single or Group Dates: i think i’ll go with single dates
Adidas or Nike: Nike. just a matter of more appealing advertising.

Tea or Nestea: nestea means ice lemon tea? i shall refrain from answering this one due to its ambiguous nature. sheeessshhhhhh
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla, without a doubt
Cappuccino or Coffee: i’ve thought long n hard n there’s no way around it. it’s a tie.

LAYER 5: DO YOU…
Smoke: na ah

Curse: owh, people around me longer than a few minutes will discover how certain considerably rude words are about as much used as the word ‘like’.

Take a Shower: depends where i am. hihihih shhhhhhhhh!!!
Have a Crush: sure! every healthy relationship needs one haks
Think You’ve Been In Love: maybe. i think so. it’s a weird word tho.
Go To School: if uni is school then yeah
Want To Get Married: definately not now but i guess it’s inevitable
Believe In Yourself: i have doubts like any other hormonally challenged 20 year old girl
Think You’re A Health Freak: hmmmm does saying i’ll start exercising everyday starting from tomorrow count? (when tomorrow comes, there’s always another tomorrow, u get the idea hohoho)

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST.
Drank Alcohol: nope
Gone To The Mall: OU’s my play ground~
Been On Stage: the ups n downs of it are all in my pocket
Eaten Sushi: luv luv luv
Dyed Your Hair: to the disaproval of my parents

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER…
Played A Stripping Game: once i get gisele bundchen’s body, y not?
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: of course, anyone who tells u otherwise are downright lying or deluding themselves.

LAYER 8: AGE, YOU’RE HOPING…
To Be Married: 25?

LAYER 9: IN A GUY…
Best Eye Colour: (disclaimer: this is only a story book fantasy kinda thing) blue
Best Hair Colour: a semi dark, semi light rich brown
Short Hair or Long Hair: mid-length (u can always wish huhuuhu)

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING…
A Minute Ago: doing tis thing obvously                                        An Hour Ago: surfing the net looking for doctors                          4.5 Hours Ago: pg pasar malam wit ejanne syuz matong n paly. don’t ever take it for granted. i feel like a kid in a candy store each time.
1 Month Ago: planning wut to study?
1 Year Ago: just started uni again i guess

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCES…
I love: imperfections
i hate: it when ur apart from sumone for long periods of time tat u get into ur own routine n u don’t feel anything much but then tat person comes back into ur life n u realise how great it is wit him/her around tat when u go off again, u miss them terribly n the whole VICIOUS cycle repeats itself. not to forget mismatched forks n spoons hiks
I hide: when i’m embarassed
I miss: people n carefree days
I need: to study for my finals!

LAYER 12: TAG 5 PEOPLE. (alamakkkkk)
1. Puan Munirah Hanim (muahahah)

2. cik jama dondon

3. meng king kong

4. hanscrell

5. syoozy boozy

tis took me a full hour. if u say i don’t love u buds i donno wut else there is to do ahahahhaha

i knoe it’s kaknem’s news but i’m so proud of her i’m writing this regardless. my sis gave birth to a boy n 2 girls yesterday morn n it SUCKS tat i’m here!!! i didn’t even get to see her when she was really bloated. hurmmmphhhh. anyways, they’re really really really tiny since they’ve only been in her tummy for 26 weeks as opposed to the usual 38 weeks n not breathing on their own yet so it’d be really great if YOU could send some prayers in their direction hihihihi i’m just on cloud 9 and hoping i can say go to hell to the next 3 papers i have to sit for. (maybe tis will be a good excuse if i don’t do too well tis time around?? yeay!!!) ladidadida can’t wait to go home!!!

22 - 9 = 11. 11 days to go!!! i have nothing clever or deep to say. i’m going home and that’s enough food for soul crap to last me… till i get back here. hahahaha i am so happy tat i can crave mcD at 3 in the morn and go out n get some (regardless tat i probably won’t because mama’d go bonkers, what the hell the fact is tat i can!). i’m so happy i can wake up in the morn n be able to go out and get myself roti canai or nasi lemak or wutever the hell i feel like having. i’m so happy i can eat wutever the hell i want, period!! heyyy i’m so in love with the food back home i actually made it part of my french presentation huhuhuuh n best of all, i can msg einaz from home to tell her how much i’m enjoying myself muahahahahahahah sayang einaz!!

p/s: kaknem jahat n lambat topup for me so i probably have to buy another number. i’ll keep u guys updated obviously

i think all road makers of world made a pact. a pact to make the worse roadsigns possible. i thought malaysia was bad. australia, being a first world country, an english-speaking country, and canberra being its capital, should at least invest in hiring intelligent and practical people to put up roadsigns. i had to go out of my way, to unfamiliar territory, to send my freaking milky laptop.i had a map, which told me to go onto belconnen way, to turn left, but the stoopid roadsigns told me to go straight. obviously, since i couldn’t keep an eye on my trusted map while driving, i went straight. i got on a really long, dark road, when conveniently, my fuel warning lights started irritating the hell out of me. i knoe it’s doing what it’s suppose to, but it irritated the hell out of me regardless. anyways, at the end of this long, dark road, was another roadsign which said… alternative road to city…. me getting pissed off n cursing to myself  decided to follow it. guess what? i was rite where i started, and the roadsigns had the cheek to show me the way back to the bloody long, dark road! i finally followed my instincts and got myself home within the next ten minutes. plus walking time from the parking to my warm room. conclusion is, if ever there is somebody i knoe who ends up in the united nations, do me a favour and bring the issue up. tat’d be really great. thanx.

i knoe i’m suppose to be happy. i came back from a holiday (which was really2 good n i’ll save u the details but it was so much fun to laugh like i haven’t done in so long with my parents. which really just goes to show how lucky i am n i do appreciate it, i do.) enough of being sidetracked, i’m pathetically using the free internet here in sydney airport, waiting for my 8.30 bus back to canberra (it’s now 6.21) n all i can think of is how frustrating it is tat i’m here at the airport n there’s a flight tat leaves here for msia pretty darn soon but i can’t get on it!!!! urrrgggghhhhhhh tis really sucks. it sucks tat the next time i’ll be back at tis airport is at the earliest early or mid june, if i’m lucky. it sucks tat i have an assignment due tues (which i haven’t started - i’m crazy i know). it sucks tat i’ll probably be soo busy these next few weeks i hardly have time to think. it sucks tat i’m stuck here!!!!!!~ remember the whole thing on my heart tat amazingly feels like it’s physically there? it’s back.

p/s: i couldn’t resist mentioning the fact tat i swam with wild dolphins n swam circles with 2 of them hihi nevermind tat it was freezing cold i had trouble breathing properly or tat i stupidly swallowed so much sea water i practically choked n nevermind also tat i threw up like a pregnant kaknem as soon as i reached land. fact of the matter is, i swam with wild dolphins. beat tat!

my sister recently told me (meng played a part as well) that all human have a kind of wave or signal or whatever term it is they use that connects us all. this ‘wave’ is actually more powerful than the waves mobile phones produce. meaning that if we tapped into this power within us, mobile phones would actually become obsolete. no more keeping up with the latest phone. hurrahhhhh

speaking of the human brain, i find that it’s as dangerous as it is powerful. thinking is dangerous. period. blissfully unaware is a blessing. period. (now i’m thinking it’s stupid that i’m saying period 3 times, well six in total) see? thinking is hectic. thinking is hard. thinking is wut sets us apart. wut makes us weird. wut makes us complicated. wut makes us eccentric.

i tried switching of yesterday. watch disney channel. make myself stop thinking. you should try it. it’s really hard. because once you switch of the brain, the heart takes it place. this heavy thing resting on my heart. it’s almost physically there. almost like a lump on my heart.

thinking is hard. it gives room to questions. to doubts. to heavy lumps on your heart.

i’ve grown bitter, yes it’s true. i’ve said it many times, i’ve thought about it over and over again. it’s hard isn’t it? how things get to grey. bit by bit. till it all turns dark. an ugly shade of black.

we change. constantly. i don’t like change.

i think i need to go home. get back to being me. i’ll feel much better then. maybe the things pressing on my brains wil leave. leave me blissfully unaware, oblivious. i badly need a cuddle. urrrggghhhhh.